Alexa Adults

Alexa Adults

Here I am. Severely caffeinated at 10:24am, rolling my eyes at these Friday morning “momagers,” talking over my max volume Sara Bareilles, contemplating my life, per usual. This life series is continuously challenging me and now advancing to a new extreme. (Right, Alexa’s tragic story gets more interesting part 24k.) 

At 3 years old, I started my adulting adventure. The exact reason I am 24 years old and stuck with this wise soul. Maybe in one of my past lives, I actually was a queen and figured “If you can’t successfully rule the country, you must rule everyone/thing in your path.” 

Alexa Deals

I have stereotyped myself as a dealer. I deal with things, I deal with idiots, I make deals, I don’t deal. Catch the pattern? Deliberately trying to present deals that often turn to destroying my mental health day by day. #dramatic I know. 

This has taught me to be more aware. I realize when I need to chill, evaluate, and even when I need to ask for help. (Is this what adulting feels like?) Now I definitely don’t always follow through, but learning to prioritize yourself is a larger task than my unread text messages. 

“A neverending experience for search of life clarity.” - Life 

The purpose of this presentation to “dealing,” is that people often confide in me for life difficulties and advice to overcome. I’ve committed my life to helping people persevere with guidance. Which is what makes me feel purpose and what I’m truly most passionate about. Why? Because I wish someone would have done that for me through my dark days. (TBC below and prepare for the complications because it’s about to get real.) My curiosity always overpowers my deadlines. Or maybe I’m psychic or something, I don’t know, but here I am. My intuition is uniquely blessed and I’ve learned to be a full time listener. I understand people and aspire always to think logically vs emotionally. I guess this assists in my constant realism. 

Alexa Learns

This is rough for me to admit. But considering I constantly put myself on blast and lost all filter in 2017, I want you to look at this as NOT NORMAL and you shouldn’t have to experience learning the way I did. (I told you all the extremes.) I spent 6 years of my life mentally in a black hole. I refer to this time as “when I died.” I can’t even remember 90% of the experiences, feelings, and a few of the proudest moments in my life, because of this black out. It’s disappointing. It is definitely hard to say out loud. I’m still climbing out and building steps everyday. This comparison is how I connect to people. I will only involve myself with positive steps. Even an attempted act at bettering is better than settling for rock bottom. If I feel suffocated or even worse uninvested, I fall back into darkness. I can now speak confidently and openly about this 9 years later! It’s a journey and a challenge. I also wouldn’t want it any other way. It has made me wise. It has inspired strength. It has helped me appreciate every moment. Appreciate what life throws at you. Appreciate myself. 

Motivationally I will continuously encourage you to stand up for yourself and be selfish. I am a selfless person with extreme selfishness in who I let in my life. As it should be. 

Alexa Laughs 

This is a joke. In many ways, but mostly the “I try to be a normal human one time and here’s what happens,” best kind of way. 

Alexa Dictionary: 

Emotionally Unstable Crush (EUC): Unstable boy (in unlimited ways) between the ages of 25 and 30 that desires a smart, attractive, nice, independent, cool, basically ideal girl, but can barely do his laundry and can’t financially support his drinking problem but pretends he’s a successful entrepreneur. Also pronounced as YUCK, FML, GTFO, NOT BAE, OMG. #ouch 

Me (From what I’ve seen in movies): Cry. Buy the wine. 10,000 calorie challenge. 

Also Me: Post all the screenshots to your half a million followers and ruin his life. 

Well, contradicting both emotional/normal/crazy girl suggestions I went with the “I don’t care” card. Due to the fact that I just don’t care. I don’t care to deal with people who don’t better me. Sometimes a EUC will manipulate you to thinking he is stable. He’ll like the idea of you. Even though normally EUC aren’t even charming and semi average you will fall for it. My diagnosis of this experiment is it was fun but not great fun. It was entertaining but not anything special. Also I lost a phone charger out of this gig. 

Therefore a teenager introduced me to the language of 2017 and apparently I should “ghost” EUC. 

Reasons to “Ghost” Negativity 

-You’re as happy as you want to be

-You’re as positive as the people you surround yourself with

-Ghosting is so 2018

-And 2018 is your year

-Breathing is easier 

-So is sleeping and everyone loves their bed

-Netflix is better

-Life is better

-You are your best 

It’ll all work out.

Alexa Survives

Most days I blog about me experiencing my talent. My life challenges due to my talent, and social anxiety due to once again, this crazy talent I somehow woke up with. Today, I blogged about my outlook on how my talent has made me. A stronger, smarter, carefree, not dance teacher, somewhat lost, mostly happier Alexa Moffett. 

I'm sorry the old Alexa can't come to the phone right now.

I’m sorry the old Alexa can’t come to the phone right now.

Why?

Oh, because she threw her phone in one of her 10 cold brews she didn’t drink and sold all of her purses to buy a one way ticket to anywhere but Scottsdale, Arizona. 

Realistically everything is going to be great. But in the meantime, I will suffer slowly through my only type of therapy I know, spending unknown amounts of money on eyelash extensions I eventually will pick off due to lack of sleep.

Things to do when you’re 24 and lonely:

-Love and lose

-Smile at coffee shop entrepreneurs 

-Smile in general

-Try to be an adult

-Make your bed every morning (for yourself)

-Drink your calories

-Experience gratefulness when you’re not hungover from 1 alcoholic beverage 

-Pay for your gym membership that you’re not using 

-Visit museums not just for the cool IG photo 

-Wake up early for you time 

-Try a new face mask and then when you’re still ugly try again

-Not buy the new iPhone because you’re actually too broke

-Actually attend dates

-Grocery shop as therapy 

-Take elderberry everyday 

-Forget to charge your iPhone and constantly forget to reply to every text even from your grandma 

-Learn every lyric to new Tswift album in 1 hour 

-Facetime your dog 

-Breathe 

-Be proud

-Believe in yourself 

-Live your best life 

Not like I do any of these things daily… 

But if, let’s say potentially, I was a lonely/determined/ridiculously uncontrollable 24 year old dance choreographer/business owner I think these general ideas could be a great list of ideas to add to my extra long procrastinated to do list. 

Back to 2017

My life has completely flip flopped, skyrocketed/crumbled, thrown up/grown up, possibly had a glow up but still tbd in the past 6 months. I think I’ve aged 20 years mentally, -10 years emotionally, and 50+ years physically. My psychic also told me my chakras are shockingly unbalanced (surprise, surprise) so we’ll put my spiritual well being in the tbd category as well. 

I think my life events have been so extreme that it’s making the extreme wear off. I have experienced emotions I didn’t think I even knew how to feel. So therefore I’m categorizing these emotions as my attempt at organization of this blog of chaos/comedy/horror.

Happiness

I am a genuinely happy person. Almost always I am as happy as I’d like to be. I’ve felt happiness with my commitment to myself, my job, and my family/friends. I think we all strive for this somewhat balance even though it almost always doesn’t happen. 

A part of my personality that I think is a bit extreme (but hey here I am) is that I am happiest when I feel successful. This doesn’t mean money, fame, blah blah blah. It honestly means when I am proud and inspired by myself. I opened my first actual live real time big girl business. Did I think I could do it? Absolutely. Did I think I would struggle? Yes, I live on the struggle bus. Did I think I would be as proud as I am? Not at all. 

I shocked myself at the commitment and actual love I’ve put in to building Danceplex. I think this is mostly because no matter what obstacles I encounter during this exciting and wild journey, I know that I am invested in myself. The best place in life to be. I continuously am congratulated for opening a studio which “has always been your dream.” I’m not going to lie to you all, that actually wasn’t my dream. I lost that dream many years ago in the best way possible. It kind of just fell in my lap, and literally saved me. Without this blessing, I would be living in London with a new name, personality, potentially no prada, and definitely without my passion. 

Sadness

I think this would be my newest emotion. I don’t rely on others, ever. I rarely trust, unfortunately even in my closest friends. I’m working on it, no sweat. But this is not irrelevant to this reasoning of sadness. I can’t even blame my sadness on an event or person because I wasn’t sad about anything that was actually happening. Even as tragic as it would seem to most humans. 

I was sad because I couldn’t believe I let myself feel this much sadness. So contradicting isn’t it? I then lived with a mini rain cloud over my head for a few weeks. Sometimes letting it stay gloomy just to make an excuse. There wasn’t even any kind of hopeful words someone could have told me to get over this storm. Dance was the only way I knew I could express without feeling insecure, vulnerable, or just embarrassed. So that’s what I did. My cloud has disappeared and I turned back on my sarcastic/carefree/world of rainbows and make believe life switch. I feel better. Still not 100% myself but I will continue to drink cold brew with a side of yoga on the extra stormy days. 

Fear 

I’m pretty fearless. Occasionally scary bugs and snakes. (The animal kind, I can handle the people.) This category I think consumes mostly my extroverted/introvert personality. Meaning I am an extreme perfectionist when it comes to myself. As I’ve stated before, and you all should be. 

Anger

I am never angry. I don’t even know how to yell besides singing alone in my car to Tswift or corrections to my dancers over loud pop music. But I have two very large pet peeves.

1. Not following through with a commitment. I am pretty talented with continuously being independent. So when I ask for a favor or help, which is uncommon, I normally am depending on it. I think dependability is a very prestigious and valued skill. 
2. Lies. I have no medium with lying. I don’t believe in it. Through this career I’ve learned to easily accept critique. Social media influencing is basically putting yourself on blast 24/7. I’ve been called unkind names, told I was unworthy, and judged by people who have no idea of anything about me or what I genuinely believe in. What it’s taught me is that you can have insecurities, life is not perfect nor will ever be. But what you can do is be honest with people you care for. 

Bottom line I try to look on the positive side to almost all challenges. But if I am angry. It’s because most people suck.

Surprise

At how many days I can actually go without sleeping and still hold/process a semi intelligent conversation. Also at the amount of times I’ve planned to work out and yet here I am still eating burritos and the rest of the time forgetting a liquid diet really isn’t great for my digestive system. Which I also complain about more than dance moms. (That’s a new level.)

Disgust 

I am officially 24 and 3.5 months. That officially is almost 25. Which is 1 quarter of my predicted life. Although I am planning on living forever by this plant based diet.

"Old ways won't open new doors."

Through new challenges I know I will persevere and don’t see a rock bottom anytime in my near future. Unless I am suddenly brainwashed and lose my choreography/teaching skills I’ve worked my ass off from real life rock bottom to master, I will be here. Maybe living on bunk beds in my faculty room, but I’ll be thriving. 

I am Alexa Moffett.

I am Alexa Moffett. 

Believe it or not, I am an actual person. A girl, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a teacher, a student, a role model, a rebel, a shoulder to cry on, a wanderer. I obsess over things. Actually all things. I breakdown. I feel with my entire heart. I fight. With my emotions, with my body, with people I care for. I ruin relationships for no reason. I am an extrovert. But equally introverted. I imagine what life could be. I get bored easily. I bite my nails when I’m stressed. Sometimes I’m indecisive and sometimes I make decisions without thinking. I fall. In love, in lust, over. I have major commitment issues and I am also always invested. I am my biggest critic. I get embarrassed when I mess up. I am shy and I am crazy. Some people love me and some people hate me. I make mistakes and I lie. I have success and I tell the truth. I snort when I laugh. I can give great advice but can rarely receive. I am learning to accept myself and that is okay. 

I am a believer. I believe in someone. I know they can do it. You know why? I wished someone would have taught me that. If I expect more from you I will push you until you’re at what you think may be your max. I am your number one fan. I put people before myself. I set expectations and I never lower them. 

I am not a famous dance teacher. I am not a social media star. I am just Alexa. I have dreams and I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. I value work ethic, honesty, and respect over anything. If I want something I’ll fight for it. You bet I’ll stand up for the people I care about. I could live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Gluten free of course. I wish being a professional gift giver was a career. I relax by driving late at night and blasting my favorite Taylor Swift song with the windows down. I love dressing up and wearing the highest heels I can find because being tall is cool. I barely passed high school because drawing costumes in my notebooks didn’t count as “math homework.” I pay for a monthly gym membership even though I’ve been a total of 3 times in my lifetime. Why? Because I like the idea of it and it makes me happy.

If someone tells you “your expectations are too high” or something as simple as “you can’t” I look at that as a challenge. Prove it. If you fail you have lost nothing. Your strengths and weaknesses shape your path. Play off of them. 

All of this is my own opinion and therefore it’s right. There’s no incorrect way in how you feel. “When you accept who you are you become you.” Which is the number one thing you could ever want to be. Yourself. 

I am Alexa Moffett.

I have finally found my zen.

Part 1 of finding my zen. Or I think. 

It took about an extra nine pounds and excessively visiting my local Coffee Bean (which I am recently a proud regular) to recognize what in the hell "zen" even looked, felt, tasted like, who knew. But I discovered it. I think.

Regardless, what I do think I found is remembering how to commit again. To my ideas, my fears, my heart, my thoughts, my wildest dreams, and to most importantly myself. Which is the path I have always tried to navigate to. I think for about the last 6 months, I was steering myself towards too many paths and maybe forgetting which one made me feel enlightened. Now like you all predicted I would say, I am not there yet and won't ever be. But the improvement is something I am going to brag about, as you all should as well. 

Approaching 2017 I didn't think I was ready. 2016 was full of many firsts, a bit of forgiving, and a whole lot of fun. But I'm here and as of about an hour ago, I am back on my forever path. 

"She's at peace and yet somehow on fire." 

2016 stole my name.

Thanks to Amazon and even more so outdated fads, I am now not only commanded to do ridiculous things by dance moms, but every indolent person in the world that can’t move 3 feet to turn off a light switch. To increase this situation, I’m constantly reminded thanks to my first world problem snap chatters, that I need to change my name and finally fall off the earth. See what 23 and a half years of a comedy/horror lifestyle/career can do to you?

This Alexa can’t be commanded to do anything, by anyone, ever. 

Can’t be tamed.

Won’t, not interested, and honestly impossible. 

I think an accurate description of myself would be “misunderstood miss independent.” No matter the act I put on to my fellow social media friends, I actually have to try to keep this ego alive. Somedays I want to depend on someone. Which genuinely would relieve my severe anxiety and potentially become a life changing event for this unique fairytale. But everyday I crave someone to tell me I am completely crazy and ridiculously confusing. I think that if you aren’t then are you actually alive? Mostly I just want to be miss. Miss Alexa, maybe missed, but definitely never ever a Mrs. I am tragically cursed with bad vibes about associating myself with a forever title, so forever I will stay Alexa Moffett. Even if Chuck Bass offered me a world of diamonds, I would remain just me. Because I will buy myself my own diamonds. Which brings me to my next life expectation.

“Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.” 

My life quote. 

Guys, it is even the headline of my Tinder profile. Which I wonder why I still continue to check when I am nowhere near committed to having a friend boy. That starts and results in a terribly awful coffee date. Most likely at a coffee shop that I hate, where we small talk to the point of me realistically making up lies so he wants to leave and forget my name. Not like this has ever happened. But back to the real fact of this rant. My quote has been very hard for me to explain to any curious peer that questions my sanity. It has always reminded me that I will have success no matter which path I stumble upon. Success is something I deeply admire. So no matter the obstacles, my choices will decide my success as I learn and always risk at a chance at becoming "successful." 

What is success? I think this feeling is my most real feeling. It’s very hard for me to relate to content people. My heart definitely can appreciate an accomplishment where I feel uplifted but my brain is constantly reminding me that life is too short to stop. To stop growing. Which sounds so lame, especially as I’m writing this trying to inspire you all to continue to persevere. But that’s exactly the truth. Life won’t stop, there is actually not a real pause button. There is a snooze. But the more you snooze the more you don’t necessarily lose, but you don’t gain anything besides the feeling of content. Which I will forever commit to committing content is a waste.

In the meantime, I will try to keep this zen. I'm sure by morning I will complain about my 8:00am workout, lack of willpower to not bake/eat 4 trays of vegan cookies, and certainly about the amount of emails I have procrastinated for potentially years. But that doesn't matter because I won't be snoozing any longer.