I’m sorry the old Alexa can’t come to the phone right now.
Why?
Oh, because she threw her phone in one of her 10 cold brews she didn’t drink and sold all of her purses to buy a one way ticket to anywhere but Scottsdale, Arizona.
Realistically everything is going to be great. But in the meantime, I will suffer slowly through my only type of therapy I know, spending unknown amounts of money on eyelash extensions I eventually will pick off due to lack of sleep.
Things to do when you’re 24 and lonely:
-Love and lose
-Smile at coffee shop entrepreneurs
-Smile in general
-Try to be an adult
-Make your bed every morning (for yourself)
-Drink your calories
-Experience gratefulness when you’re not hungover from 1 alcoholic beverage
-Pay for your gym membership that you’re not using
-Visit museums not just for the cool IG photo
-Wake up early for you time
-Try a new face mask and then when you’re still ugly try again
-Not buy the new iPhone because you’re actually too broke
-Actually attend dates
-Grocery shop as therapy
-Take elderberry everyday
-Forget to charge your iPhone and constantly forget to reply to every text even from your grandma
-Learn every lyric to new Tswift album in 1 hour
-Facetime your dog
-Breathe
-Be proud
-Believe in yourself
-Live your best life
Not like I do any of these things daily…
But if, let’s say potentially, I was a lonely/determined/ridiculously uncontrollable 24 year old dance choreographer/business owner I think these general ideas could be a great list of ideas to add to my extra long procrastinated to do list.
Back to 2017
My life has completely flip flopped, skyrocketed/crumbled, thrown up/grown up, possibly had a glow up but still tbd in the past 6 months. I think I’ve aged 20 years mentally, -10 years emotionally, and 50+ years physically. My psychic also told me my chakras are shockingly unbalanced (surprise, surprise) so we’ll put my spiritual well being in the tbd category as well.
I think my life events have been so extreme that it’s making the extreme wear off. I have experienced emotions I didn’t think I even knew how to feel. So therefore I’m categorizing these emotions as my attempt at organization of this blog of chaos/comedy/horror.
Happiness
I am a genuinely happy person. Almost always I am as happy as I’d like to be. I’ve felt happiness with my commitment to myself, my job, and my family/friends. I think we all strive for this somewhat balance even though it almost always doesn’t happen.
A part of my personality that I think is a bit extreme (but hey here I am) is that I am happiest when I feel successful. This doesn’t mean money, fame, blah blah blah. It honestly means when I am proud and inspired by myself. I opened my first actual live real time big girl business. Did I think I could do it? Absolutely. Did I think I would struggle? Yes, I live on the struggle bus. Did I think I would be as proud as I am? Not at all.
I shocked myself at the commitment and actual love I’ve put in to building Danceplex. I think this is mostly because no matter what obstacles I encounter during this exciting and wild journey, I know that I am invested in myself. The best place in life to be. I continuously am congratulated for opening a studio which “has always been your dream.” I’m not going to lie to you all, that actually wasn’t my dream. I lost that dream many years ago in the best way possible. It kind of just fell in my lap, and literally saved me. Without this blessing, I would be living in London with a new name, personality, potentially no prada, and definitely without my passion.
Sadness
I think this would be my newest emotion. I don’t rely on others, ever. I rarely trust, unfortunately even in my closest friends. I’m working on it, no sweat. But this is not irrelevant to this reasoning of sadness. I can’t even blame my sadness on an event or person because I wasn’t sad about anything that was actually happening. Even as tragic as it would seem to most humans.
I was sad because I couldn’t believe I let myself feel this much sadness. So contradicting isn’t it? I then lived with a mini rain cloud over my head for a few weeks. Sometimes letting it stay gloomy just to make an excuse. There wasn’t even any kind of hopeful words someone could have told me to get over this storm. Dance was the only way I knew I could express without feeling insecure, vulnerable, or just embarrassed. So that’s what I did. My cloud has disappeared and I turned back on my sarcastic/carefree/world of rainbows and make believe life switch. I feel better. Still not 100% myself but I will continue to drink cold brew with a side of yoga on the extra stormy days.
Fear
I’m pretty fearless. Occasionally scary bugs and snakes. (The animal kind, I can handle the people.) This category I think consumes mostly my extroverted/introvert personality. Meaning I am an extreme perfectionist when it comes to myself. As I’ve stated before, and you all should be.
Anger
I am never angry. I don’t even know how to yell besides singing alone in my car to Tswift or corrections to my dancers over loud pop music. But I have two very large pet peeves.
- Not following through with a commitment. I am pretty talented with continuously being independent. So when I ask for a favor or help, which is uncommon, I normally am depending on it. I think dependability is a very prestigious and valued skill.
- Lies. I have no medium with lying. I don’t believe in it. Through this career I’ve learned to easily accept critique. Social media influencing is basically putting yourself on blast 24/7. I’ve been called unkind names, told I was unworthy, and judged by people who have no idea of anything about me or what I genuinely believe in. What it’s taught me is that you can have insecurities, life is not perfect nor will ever be. But what you can do is be honest with people you care for.
Bottom line I try to look on the positive side to almost all challenges. But if I am angry. It’s because most people suck.
Surprise
At how many days I can actually go without sleeping and still hold/process a semi intelligent conversation. Also at the amount of times I’ve planned to work out and yet here I am still eating burritos and the rest of the time forgetting a liquid diet really isn’t great for my digestive system. Which I also complain about more than dance moms. (That’s a new level.)
Disgust
I am officially 24 and 3.5 months. That officially is almost 25. Which is 1 quarter of my predicted life. Although I am planning on living forever by this plant based diet.
"Old ways won't open new doors."
Through new challenges I know I will persevere and don’t see a rock bottom anytime in my near future. Unless I am suddenly brainwashed and lose my choreography/teaching skills I’ve worked my ass off from real life rock bottom to master, I will be here. Maybe living on bunk beds in my faculty room, but I’ll be thriving.
